What Every Fencing Parent Should Know About … Being a Good Fencing Parent

As covered in the last article, USFA has been kind enough – in a decision that they may or may not come to regret – to allow me to write a biweekly fencing blog on “What Every Fencing Parent Should Know.” The goal is to compile a series of articles that can be a resource to any of the newer fencer parents (or anyone else starting out in the sport) looking for some help in navigating the (dated Boomer reference coming) Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride journey that is being a fencing parent.

So for this second blog article, I thought it would be good to start out with a few of the trial and error foundational principles I have learned for navigating the wild and wacky world of fencing – the Ten Commandments of Being a Fencing Parent, as it were. How do you know that these are the ten most important principles for any fencing parent to keep in mind (other than my use of very serious-looking capitalization)? You don’t! But for what it is worth, these are ten principles that I have found valuable over the years. So here it goes….

• Thou Shalt Encourage Without Pressuring. Fencing is both physically and mentally demanding, requiring focus, dedication, and resilience. As a parent, it’s important to avoid adding pressure by pushing children too hard to win or just making the sport an unpleasant grind. The focus should be on the child improving in fencing rather than a hyper-ventilating focus on the latest tournament result. Tournament results contain a certain amount of randomness (who is in your pool, random luck of the draw on DEs, who won that point in priority, etc.), which can either hide true progress or give false positives of improvement. Instead, focus on whether your child is gaining skills, is setting a good foundation, and (most importantly) is enjoying the sport. If skills are improving, the results will (eventually) follow.
• Thou Shalt Listen to Thy Child’s Goals, Not Impose Your Own. All young fencers have their own reasons for being involved in the sport. Some may aspire to compete at the highest level, while others may most enjoy the camaraderie and fun. It’s important to ask children about their goals and motivations, and then support them in reaching their goals, rather than imposing your own dreams onto them. Don’t let your approach to fencing be their first therapy session at age forty.
• Thou Shalt Celebrate the Process. It’s essential to differentiate between support and pressure. Encourage your child to set personal goals and strive for improvement but avoid imposing your expectations on them. Fencing requires years of practice to master. Celebrate the small victories along the way, such as improvements in footwork, strategy, or discipline. Don’t make fencing a chore and a high-pressure grind.
• Thou Shalt Support Thy Child’s Coach. Fencing is a technical sport that requires expert coaching. While it can be tempting to offer your own advice from the sidelines, recognize that coaching is a profession that has required years of practice and learning – which you probably don’t have. After all, do you stand next to your dentist and tell her how to fill your child’s cavity? Or do you find a professional whom you trust and then let her do her job? So find a good coach – or, more precisely, a good coaching match – but avoid undermining the coach’s authority by giving conflicting advice. Instead, maintain open communication with the coach about your child’s progress and any concerns you may have.
• Thou Shalt Attend Competitions and Events While Encouraging Good Sportsmanship. Good sportsmanship is a cornerstone of fencing. Teach your child to respect opponents, referees, and fellow fencers. Attend events to show your support but remember to maintain composure and respect during matches. Oh, and another key point – I have heard from several college coaches that they check with referees to ask how upcoming fencers act during matches and whether they are respectful of the sport and the rules. Make good sportsmanship a recruiting plus, not a negative.
• Thou Shalt Be Present and Educate Thyself About Fencing, But Not Be Overbearing at Tournaments. Learn about the sport of fencing and its rules, how to do basic equipment repairs, and other ways in which you can be a resource for your child. Understanding the fundamentals will enable you to engage more meaningfully with your child about fencing experiences and challenges. But give your child the space needed to focus and prepare for matches. After a bout, offer words of encouragement and praise, but avoid critiquing performance unless asked for feedback.
• Thou Shalt Not Overfocus on Youth Events. No, your child’s medal at the next Y-10 NAC will not set them on a path to the 2040 Olympic team. Nor will losing the first DE preclude them from fencing in an Ivy League program. At her first Summer Nationals, my daughter finished dead last at her first Y-12 NAC, losing her first DE after finishing pools with six losses and – based on my very careful and accurate memory – an indicator that was around minus 98. I’m pretty certain USFA had send out for a special scoring box to show negative points. But no, we didn’t have to explain it away during her college recruiting, any more than we had to explain why she finished her Y-10 and Y-12 years with only one Y-12 NAC medal. Youth events are a great introduction to competitions, and a fine set of steppingstones, but they are not the be-all and end-all of the sport or even that great a predictor of who will end up as a top fencer.
• Thou Shalt Promote Balance. Fencing can be a time-consuming sport, especially when it involves travel for tournaments and training. It’s crucial to help your child maintain a healthy balance between fencing, school, and other activities. Encourage taking breaks when needed and avoid burnout by keeping the schedule manageable.
• Thou Shalt Manage Expectations. While every parent wants to see a child succeed, it’s important to manage expectations in fencing, where progress can be slow and results unpredictable (and often heavily influenced by luck). Avoid placing undue pressure on your child to perform at a certain level by a certain time or comparing them to other fencers at the club who might (temporarily) be having better results. Recognize that fencing is a complex sport that takes time to master, and that patience and persistence are key.
• Thou Shalt Remember: It’s Thy Child’s Journey. At the end of the day, fencing is your child’s journey, not yours. While your support and involvement are invaluable, it’s crucial to let your child own the experience. Whether the choice is to pursue fencing competitively or recreationally, the ultimate goal is for the child to enjoy the sport and develop lifelong skills like discipline, focus, and resilience.

Epee was the first weapon to use electronic scoring at the Olympics, debuting the technology in 1936 to reduce disputes over simultaneous hits. Prior to the use of electronic scoring, hooks at the end of swords were sometimes used, to allow referees to see whether the fencing uniform was caught. An alternative method was to see if the fencer was bleeding from a touch. Just something to keep in mind the next time you have to wait for a fencing reel to be fixed during a tournament. There are worse ways to keep score.

Want to send some feedback or have an idea for a future blog post? Just want to send an email because you have been waiting at fencing practice for two hours and have nothing better to do after going through your Instagram feed three times? Feel free to email me at usfafencingblog@gmail.com.

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